But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the day after is always just damage control
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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