I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
