"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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