No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Sorry about my life...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
