I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
