You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
