I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize