I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize