i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize