you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
