she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
