You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
