She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
