You can't special order awesome
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
