you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
