She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
