Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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