if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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