I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
