Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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