Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
