i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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