in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
