Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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