You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
