It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
