if you like me you must not know who I am
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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