party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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