where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
