Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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