So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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