Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
