8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
