So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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