My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
