As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
How external is "for external use only"?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
