I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
