We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
