hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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