there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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