I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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