i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
