I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
