i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
