Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
