I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
