I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
