I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
