forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
