I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I enjoy the company of your penis
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