He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
