I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
