Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
