I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
