It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
