she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
