You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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