So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
