i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
