and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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