How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Randomize
