Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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