i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
