she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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