Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize