I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
