if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
