She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
