New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize