i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize