The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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