She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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